Monday, January 12, 2009

Cheap & ugly called: They want their kitchen back





Today is day one of the long awaited kitchen remodel. I've lived in this house long enough to burn the mortgage and have replaced nearly everything in it at least once. Some things twice. Except for my lovely kitchen. Now I know that it wouldn't win any of those 'ugliest kitchen ever!' contests, but let me tell you, I'd love to get my hands on the clown that put this garbage in here. So I could give him back the mismatched collection of screws he fished out of a coffee can to install the cabinet hardware.

Cheap coated particle board coated cabinets in the most baffling, least space effective configuration ever. The shelves were held in with tiny plastic shelf supports which more than once groaned under the weight of Akron's largest herb and spice collection, then belched and vomited the contents all over the counters and floor.





This is the pantry cupboard sporting a long ago molasses accident. Or the cats went Soprano on a mouse. The shelves were so deep putting anything in here was like a roach motel; the food checked in, but it never checked out. The shelf in the top cabinet broke about 12 years ago and was supported by a makeshift set of ancient oatmeal cylinders.



This is not the original refrigerator, it's about 10 years old. Obviously not counter depth and sticks out just far enough into the room to be constantly annoying. It is being sent to the garage to house my sister's beer and the gardening and CSA overflow. The new frig is a french door Kitchenaid. I requested counter depth and largest capacity pretty please.



The purple box is made of actual wood. Because a few years ago this is one of the cabinets that kept throwing food at me like the apple trees in Wizard of Oz. So I had my contractor rip the plastic stuff down and asked for shelves. This is not what I had in my head at the time, but it turns out to have worked perfectly in the interim. This useless protrusion of lower cabinets is going to be permanently amputated.





The sink, faucet and dishwasher were put in there by me, and due to the CURRENT ECONOMIC CONDITIONS (I really can't tell you how much I am sick of that phrase), will be making a reappearance. Note the corner cabinet here. Completely and totally useless dead space. Unless you like getting on your knees and cocking your head at an ackward angle with a flashlight. I'm over 40. I don't. I did find a package of Handy Wipes and some storage bags that have probably been back there 15 years.



Door to the former dining room. Used to have a useless swinging door that spent most of it's time open, boxing in the stove and collecting whatever food particles were being prepared. It went to the dump when I had the Pergo installed. Oh, I almost forgot, there is peach lineoleum under there which matched the floral wallpaper. That doorway is going away. The refrigerator will be on this wall.


When I ripped out the opposite wall of upper cabinets I also went through a write on the walls stage. Writing on the walls (actually my sister writing on the walls) earned me a beating at age six and the banishment of Crayolas. I'm not sure if I'll be writing on the new walls yet.
I love this quote from Alice in Wonderland: "Begin at the beginning", the king said gravely", "and go until you come to the end: then stop". English major's dream with all that punctuation.
Time's up for this kitchen.

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